The definitive guide to not being a Glasshole

March 3, 2014No Comments

Google has issued behavioral suggestions to Glass Explorers, but still an altercation broke out in a San Francisco bar. So here are some stronger rules.

There seem still to be misconceptions about how to behave when wearing Google Glass.

Google has offered its own guidelines, but these are modest — though the company is to be commended for using the popular word “Glasshole.”

However, after an altercation broke out last week in a San Francisco bar, when some found the wearing of Glass objectionable, I thought I’d offer some more definitive guidelines for Glass Etiquette.

1. WHEN WEARING GLASS IN PUBLIC, DRESS APPROPRIATELY. Look, Glass is just too weird-looking to work with a check shirt or even a hoodie. Please think about matching better. Wear a Cyberman uniform from Doctor Who. Or perhaps a nice Star Trek sweater. Attaching some pointy ears might help too. That way, people will understand that you are a person of and from the future and not just some rich techie who wants to rub their faces in his or her greatness.

2. WHEN WEARING GLASS IN A BAR, BUY EVERYONE A DRINK. You might think this extreme, but if you can afford $1,500 for an experimental gadget, you can certainly afford a couple of hundred for a round. Drinkers have egos too. They love to be loved. If you show them a little respect, they will give a little leeway to your dubious proclivities. Within minutes, they will want to try your Glass and you should let them. That way, they’ll enjoy filming you, which means they can hardly mind you filming them for your very exciting video collection. You’ll be making history together.

3. WEAR AN ‘I’M A GLASSHOLE’ T-SHIRT. One of the great ways to disarm critics is to agree with them before they’ve even opened their mouths. People show far more respect to those who understand how they might get on everyone’s nerves. Should you find yourself in a restaurant, you might even discover that someone will buy you a drink out of sympathy. In San Francisco, concerned citizens might even ask about your relationship with your parents.

4. NEVER, EVER WEAR GOOGLE GLASS ON A FIRST DATE. We know you like to impress. However, experience so far has shown that people are nervous enough on first dates. They don’t know if you’re a weirdo, a stalker, a voyeur, a pervert or a self-obsessed nerd for whom code is love and love is sex. Wearing Glass on a first date confirms that you are all of the above.

5. NEVER, EVER WEAR GLASS ON ANY DATE EVER. You might think it’d be fun to surprise your lover. You might think that wearing Glass to dinner or a club might enhance your image in their eyes. But all they’ll be thinking about is what image is in your eyes. Are you pretending to look into their eyes, but really surveying your bank account? Are you staring at the latest news from E! online? There’s a kink here, though. What if you wear your Glass on a date and your lover does the same? It’s very simple. Your relationship is doomed.

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